Full Throttle Boredom

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throt­tle is the most point­less movie I have ever paid mon­ey to see… and, yes, I did see Show­girls in the cin­e­ma.

Some­one explain to me what the hell this movie is about — because I have no clue. Here are my ques­tions:

• Who is that “Leo” kid?
• Why is there unre­al­is­tic CGI fight scenes every 35 sec­onds?
• Who is Bruce Willis’ char­ac­ter?
• Why did that guy from the X-Files sud­den­ly switch sides?
• For a fol­lowup, why did Crispin Glover switch sides?
• Why is Drew Bar­ry­more in Mex­i­co?
• Why does Demi Moore play with her gun like she’s nev­er touched one before?
• When did Justin Ther­oux get jacked? Seri­ous­ly, he’s got some mus­cles.
• Why does Bernie Mac turn into more and more of a car­i­ca­ture, as he gets more famous?
• And yet, why was I laugh­ing at his one-lin­ers?
• What are those fuck­ing rings, and why would such low-lev­el gov­ern­ment work­ers have them?

That’s all I got right now. Oh, and one more thing: I think Lucy Liu is incred­i­ble– but I hope she has bet­ter mate­r­i­al in Kill Bill.